Inadequacy

Posted by & filed under life, life-lessons.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

But it is a fear, indeed.

It may be that we aren’t pretty enough, funny enough or talented enough.

It may be that we don’t give as we should, care as our mother’s did, or react as other around us do.

It may be we fear a lack of power, or order, or voice.

It may be that we just don’t know why we feel the way we do.

But rarely do we fear that we won’t try.

We may fear the possibility of falling and the inability to stand back up.

But never our ability to try.

Because we all try.

And that’s just enough for adequacy, self-assurance and love.

It’s all we need to be of insurmountable value.

Who The F*** Am I? Introspective Musings

Posted by & filed under life, life-lessons, musings.

Entry 2: Loneliness, or the illusion of it. Or the confusion of it all.

If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that’s I love creativity, humor and people (that’s three things, Ben). Right. Now we’ll focus on people.

I love people. I mean, yeah, some of them really suck the hope and life out of you, but for the most part, people are phenomenal. I believe man is innately good, and that’s what I see in most of the people I’ve encountered, or at least taken the time to connect with. I’ve yet to be proven wrong, but that’s not what this entry is about.

My goal is to figure out why I can’t be without people. Or at least one person. I cannot be alone. Seriously. I would be dead in 2 days if I was stranded on a deserted island. I once locked myself in my house for a week to crank out a movie I was writing… every hour I would check my phone, hoping someone had texted me. I’d scroll through feeds three times as often as I typically would. I couldn’t get things done because I felt on edge.

But don’t get me wrong, I don’t have Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). I don’t really do the same things most people do. I’m a workaholic (obviously I work in public places), I party one-tenth of the average college kid, and I’m not a social media hound, depending on your definition. I like to think I engage with people on a much more personal level than most — I find myself having conversations over food, or in place of homework rather than attending lots of events. I’m not sure what picture I’m painting of myself, but I think it’s atypical. I don’t need to follow the bandwagon, but I do need to be around at least one person.

Otherwise I feel empty (that sounds overdramatic). But yeah, that’s the word to describe it.

I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing. I’m not sure if I have to cut out people cold turkey in order to “find myself” — bleh — or if this is a trait that, although oftentimes emotionally taxing, is a positive one. Maybe we should weigh the pros and cons.

Pros:

  • … uhh….
  • Buffering?
  • Yeah, I got nothing.

Cons:

  • I can’t go two hours without wanting to do something with someone
  • It makes me sad very quickly
  • I then feel stupid because I feel unjustly sad
  • I’ve never known someone who shares this trait, or at least the gravity to which I seem to have it. Most people are fine being alone
  • I lie to myself — it creates this illusion of friendlessness, even if I know it not to be the case

Okay, so maybe this is a bad thing. But before I hold myself accountable, let’s pretend this is just a good way to build relationships with people… because I have to. But building relationships is probably an entirely different blog entry. Or series of entries. So watch out for those!.. me. Because I’m the only one that reads these things — that’s actually not true. I only write them.

And now, a message from our sponsor:

https://medium.com/media/e26faca53c6d88ab830d90ad6d1f5e33/href

Now I’ll go ahead and hold myself accountable. How do you fix it, Ben? How do make yourself become less dependent on the presence of other people? And why is that even a thing? Most people prefer alone time.

I’ve been writing this blog for three months. I no longer have the above problem.

So we are going to switch gears and talk about how this happened.

The answer: pure ardor, passion, zeal (I don’t know if this is a solution for all people with a similar problem). Zeal for what? You may ask, if you care or have read this far. (If you have, please contact me at 405.431.8446 and let me know so I can commend you).

Zeal for two of the three things listed (creativity and humor, for a recap). What have I cut out the most? People. As they say in college, “you can have two of three things: sleep, a social life, or good grades.”

In my case, I can’t have great friendships if I’m working on other things all of the time.

In my case, I cannot do things in moderation — I put everything into it.

And now my rambling put briefly:

In all of our cases, it’s hard to know ourselves very well.

Why dream?

Posted by & filed under dreams, life-lessons.

Or rather, why not?

What’s in a dream?

Dreams are “what’s out there.” The unattainable with a pinch of attainability. It’s an intangible thought when one says “dream” or “vision.” What is it? Well, it’s a lot, isn’t it? It’s courage, it’s probability, it’s a bright, hazy future, it’s a daring mentality and a chip on the shoulder, it’s transformation, it’s an escape, and a breakthrough, and a drive and a big picture, it’s a cloud in the sky, a rocket to the moon, it’s a powerful momentum all fueled by hope and wonder. These are the most powerful things within the human condition. It’s what drives us. No. It’s what propels everything.

Dreams can take you where? Anywhere. A vision can create what? Anything.

Wrong.

Action does that.

Visionaries not only believe that the impossible can be done, but that it must be done. — Brian Ferren

Yes, you can have hope and wonder and with it a fairy tale. But dreams do nothing unless the dreamer stops at nothing.

Luckily a dream is fuel within itself. It may be harder not to chase your dreams than to chase them. Otherwise you end up with regret. I heard a man once say that when he asked a number of seniors about their life, they all began their story with “I wish I had done ________.”

Why didn’t they chase their dreams? Well, because life got them down.

It’s the children who dream the biggest, right? They’re ignorant to the constraints life builds around them. Parents say “chase your dreams” yet don’t take their own advice. You live your dreams through your children… when we can all become our dream.

Please, parent, take your own advice. You are born to a set of parents, so technically you’re someone’s kid… which makes you a kid. There. Logic. You’re allowed to dream.

I know one of the most powerful scene I’ve seen in any movie is Will Smith telling his son in “The Pursuit of Happyness” … well, I’ll let him say it.

https://medium.com/media/02b47b5afea377a79bb5bd6566a8f612/href

Yes, I cried too. But that message isn’t just for the kids. It’s for the humans, and maybe one day the robots that your dreams turned into reality.

Because dreams are so much more powerful than that scene! Dreams turn science fiction into science, earth-bound pedestrians into extra-terrestrials, and Baptist ministers into world-changers. They get you off your butt and they spark that something.

That’s what dreams do. That’s what a vision does.

Wait, wait, wait. No! That’s what you do. Look in a mirror. YOU CAN SEE YOUR VISION. Vision is called vision for a reason. A visionary has vision… and a vision is seen… and seeing happens with the eye… and your eyes are a vessel to the soul. Get it?

If you’re looking for dreams, for inspiration, look no further than the mirror.

That’s when you realize the possibilities. Dreams are no longer this far-off thing. It’s no longer a cloud in the sky, or a rising hot air balloon. It’s not even right in front of you. It’s inside you.

Once you realize that, only you can know what to do from there. Keep dreaming. Because I guarantee you it’s an enthralling experience. You won’t want to stop dreaming.

The day I stop dreaming is the day I die. — Soichiro Honda

In fact, once you become a dreamer, you’ll finally find (or re-find) reality.

Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real. — Tupac Shakur

But look around and see the dreamers beside you. And if you don’t, then inspire them to dream.

Because

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality. — Yoko Ono

But what happens when you make a dream a reality? Then what? Well, I’m sure you know. You’ll just keep on dreaming.

What I think you’ll find is that your dreams are a lot bigger than you ever thought they were. Because when you reach that vision, you may not even realize it. You’ll still be reaching and you’ll still be driven and it’ll fly right past you because you will have thrown caution to the wind and let the wind take you. You won’t look back! Visionaries never look back, do they? They chase and they chase because dreaming is the reality. It’s the human condition. Dreamers make reality, then make it better.

But it takes courage. A lot of it. Throw everything into fate and then hope to hope itself! It’s scary! But fear goes away when you let dreams in.

And 99% of success is failure. There’s no certainty in the fruition of dreams, but there is certainty in cherishing desire. And there’s certainty in cherishing anticipation, thrill, hard-headedness, courage, excitement and innovation, that kid-like, nothing is impossible mentality, fun -of course- and most importantly, trying. You’ll never regret trying. Never ever.

So dream big. Have grand visions. Or small one’s, if you wish. It’s your world, and we’re living in it. Change it if you want. Because you can. Dreams are tangible. They’re you.